Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
