i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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