Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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