White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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