Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
