oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
