Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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