very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
