I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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