Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
