I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
