So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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