last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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