Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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