Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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