Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
