It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
