We won't sleep together?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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