and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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