I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
