I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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