Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She announced her abortion via fbk
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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