News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
