feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize