i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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