Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
