My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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