am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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