I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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