Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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