just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize