If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
