Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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