I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Randomize
