Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize