i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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