Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
