Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
worst night to have a conscience
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
