He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
