I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
