I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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