No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
