No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
