Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
