I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
