This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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