she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize