Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
