Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
