You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
