I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
