i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
