I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
