I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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