I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Less talking, more tequila
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
