I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
