I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize