Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.

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(631): View more from New York

Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.

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(604): View more from British Columbia

I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.

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(360): View more from Washington

You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt

(1-732): View more from New Jersey

..im mad u rememberd about that

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(585): View more from New York

Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.

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(718): View more from New York

I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?

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(606): View more from Kentucky

If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy

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