I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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