yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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