I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
