Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
