My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
