And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize