she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
