I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
