I am puke
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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