so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
